It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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