could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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