fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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