you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
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Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
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I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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