My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i need some magic done to my vagina
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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