Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
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They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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