You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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