It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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