im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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