Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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