I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
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I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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