shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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