Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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