PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
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I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize