My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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