You're a womanizer and a bitch.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
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on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So much Jack, so little girl.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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