hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize