smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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