I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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