You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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