He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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