you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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