Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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