Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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