She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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