I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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