I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
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You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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