Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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