I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
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Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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