If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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