So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
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The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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