Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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