Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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