you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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