my mouth tastes like poor choices
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize