I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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