i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
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Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
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Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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