wakey wakey hands off snakey
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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