My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize