I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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