to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize