3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
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