So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize