drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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