we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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