I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
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Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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