Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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