i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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