Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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