first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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